The Hardest Man on Earth 2006 *
'Absolutely Awful' said Pippa Midleton after watching this low budget Danny Dyer/Vinnie Jones vehicle.  Rick Razor (Dyer) is fighting a turf war with Brian Nails (Jones) and it all hinges on a last man standing street melee at the end of the movie. Here is an excerpt of the dialogue; 
Razor - "I'm gona bite your &&^^%$ nose off you mug!"
Nails - "I'm gona hit you so ^^%$£$* hard, when you wake up your clothes will be back in fashion!"
It's the usual fare from Danny Faaa**ing Dyer.


The Wizard's Sleeve 2008 *****
Frodo (Steve Merchant) and Gandalf (Justin Beiber) explore the deep caverns of the Shire in this prequel to Lord of  The Rings.  No special effects in this one but plenty of action.  We also see some new rings for the first time and lots of dwarves.  Not recommended for the under 18's but a must see for all LOTR fans.

Titanic the Submarine 2012 *
After the success of his first film Titanic the true story, David Cameron takes us back out to sea again.  This time its the biggest Submarine cruise liner ever built by Thompson Holidays. Captain Smith (Danny Dorito) plays fast and loose as he  tries to make  Dover to Berlin in record time.          I wont spoil the plot but expect a bit of romance between decks and a giant octupus. 



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    I used to write for the News of the World.  I now work as a  freelance comedy writer for BBC3.

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